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Magic Dildo My Ass

Your order comes with a total of 50 cards, 10 copies of each joke. Your order will ship for free via standard service days. If you'd like quicker service days , select expedited shipping during checkout. It will ship directly from us with absolutely nothing that can be used to identify you. It's a fun, risk-free prank!

Voodoo dildo Joke. A business mans company tell him that he will have to take a long business trip to japan to clinch an important deal. Unfortunately his wife is known for cheating on him when he goes away. He loves her still but everytime she does it it breaks his heart and this trip will be the longest he has been on.

He also knows that she tries hard not to cheat and has done less and less. Having given up smoking he knows how hard it is to shake an addiction so he decides to go to a sex shop to get her something to keep her amused.

On his way home he goes to a little sex shop.

Dildo my ass joke

He looks around for a bit but doesnt really find anything satisfactory. Just as he is about to leave the owner calls him over. He slides off the lid and inside sits a carved wooden dildo.

Voodoo dildo door" To the mans suprise the dildo rises from the box and starts fucking the keyhole of the door. What do you call the period of time between slipping on a banana and landing on your ass?

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A bananosecond. What do you get in your teeth if you eat too much ass? Anal cavity. A Wendy's manager named Kenney was sitting on his ass in the office during a shorthanded lunch rush, surfing. A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass The doc takes one look and he says, "Jeeze, it looks like we have one heck of a problem here. I tried to make a joke about eating ass Butt it was a little too tongue-in-cheek.

I walked into my girlfriends room the other day and she had stuck a cucumber up her ass. I was annoyed because I wanted to eat it.

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But now it will taste like cucumber. How many calories do you get from eating ass? Depends on how well they wipe. When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said- "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is atten Dark ass jokes are like unvaccinated children They never get old. The reactions to the half time show are pretty mixed. I've seen some people say it was the best since Prince and some people say it's the worst since Coldplay.

Others have said it was complete ass. What's the second most talkative body part behind your ass It's your mouth. It's always such a relief when that piece of shit slides out of your ass after you've been struggling to get it out for 20 minutes But hey, at least my uncle was enjoying himself We're in Trouble The population of this country is million.

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That leaves million to do the work. There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled. Which leaves million to do the work There are 74 million chil A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k Eating ass is like flying first class You only do it once, and there aren't enough hot towels in the world to make up for the price you paid. Your ass says a lot about your personality For instance, dumb-ass, smart-ass, crazy-ass, etc. I was at a bar last night and saw this MILF sitting at a table drinking by herself. I walked up to her and said, "Your ass is like the State of the Union Address.

I'm gonna tear that shit up later. The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass. After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again. I guess the bulb was hot.

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. The t I tried to think of a pun about ass eating but I couldn't think of anything tongue'n cheek. What's the difference between eating ass and being an ass? About two generations. What do you call eating ass while you're both drunk? Getting shitfaced.

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What's the difference between a brown-noser and an ass-kisser? Depth perception. Is your ass a steak. Cause its round, juicy, and I want to eat it.

funny jokes for adults Funny jokes for adults clean Joke for adults only Short joke of the day for adults Funny quotes adults Joke of the day clean Funny riddles adults Rudest joke in the world Funniest jokes Arise my dildo minions adult humor meme Arise My Minions! by Kelsopeachyo - A Member of the Internet's Largest Humor Community. I tried to make a joke about eating ass Butt it was a little too tongue-in-cheek. Driver 1: No, they're riding up my ass!! What do you call a really big dildo? A weapon of ass destruction. This joke may contain profanity. Apr 10,   This was a hilarious gift. I was deployed when I order this to surprise and, potentially, embarrass my girlfriend. I tracked the package while in combat and chuckled as bullets flew by not because I'm some sick guy who likes getting shot at but because I'm some sick guy who ordered a prank dildo package to embarrass his girlfriend/5(83).

Get it? I was greeted by a genie He says I have only one wish, so I respond, I want to see out of my ass. Granted, the genie says.

Voodoo dildo Joke. Current rating: Good (67%) - Rate this joke: After a week she feels then need for a shag but as she wants to stop cheating she instead gets out the dildo. "Voodoo dildo my pussy" The dildo rises obediently from the box and starts to shag her brains out. XVIDEOS Walking in the streets with a dildo inside of me free. Two Hours later her ex-boyfriend walks into the bar, and sees his ex-girlfriend running around with the dildo following him. She finally yells out "HELP! HELP! HELP! A MAGIC PURPLE DILDO IS FOLLOWING ME!" He goes, "(Scoffs) yeah right, Magic Purple Dildo My Ass".

That was last week ago, and in hindsight, it was worth it. I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell. He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good The guy replies "Last night Last night was the worst night of my life. The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself.

He was so surprised he yelled "Ass! This might be a repost, but my friend told me it and I thought it was funny. I dreamed that my friend Dietrich was shoving hotdogs up my ass It was my wurst nightmare. How does the Australian keep his ass so clean? Bidet, mate! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes! Aw dang, he actually did it!

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What a dumb ass! WIFE: Honey, why you so mad? What are you watching? All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge There was this donkey who was just sitting on his ass He was arrested for child abuse.

Those are called pants, not an ass shirt. What has 9 arms and kicks ass? Def Leppard!!!

Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo Dildo, box!" The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, motionless. The businessman said, "I'll take it!" The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dildo, my . We Mail Your Target a Hilariously Labeled Package to Make Them Cringe. Great Gag Gift & Practical Joke. Guaranteed to Mortify & Offend! IMAGINE THEIR WINCING FACE when the mailman hands them this package or the mail guy at work walks this to their desk. It'll be glorious! MUAHAHAHA APRIL FOOLS 24/7. We believe/5(32).

Tickle your ass with a feather? A homeless man is sitting on curb across from a bar. He watches a man across the way speaking to every woman who passes by.

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Eventually, he leaves with one of the women. The next day, the same thing happens. What's the difference between a smart-ass and a wise-ass? A smart-ass can sit on a bowl of ice cream and tell you it's cold. A wise-ass can sit on a bowl of ice cream and tell you what flavor it is. If you woke up with a condom in your ass while camping would you tell anyone?

Want to go camping? So when a girl tells her friend she has a great ass in that jeans it's okay, But when I tell my buddy the same thing I am 'being inappropriate' and I 'should really close the coffin now'.

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The world we live in. After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a seat. What do you call a murderer with two butts?

Voodoo dildo Joke

An assassin. Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state. One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar. A man on vacation is having horrible stomach pains, and realizes he has a tapeworm The resort doctor taps on his stomach a few times, listening with a stethoscope. Then he tells the man, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie.

I see him standing one late evening by the shredder.

I decide to help him. I ask him can I help, he says yes please with puppy dog eyes. I put the stack of papers in the What did the avocado say to the orange after the orange told him to citrus ass down?

You aren't my mom, you don't know me until you guacamile in my shoes!

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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in A train hits a bus full of Catholic highschool girls They all arrive at the pearly gates, waiting in line to enter heaven.

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Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis? Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your f But actually it's called pants. Husband was screwing his secretary up the ass when his wife walked in Wife: sobbing You can't do this to me! Husband: I know that's why I am doing it with her!

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Two truck drivers Two truck drivers are talking. An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

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She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table. The masseur can't Four Surgeons Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients. The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians.

When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everythin So a drug dealer is being raided. The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

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